It’s four-fifteen in the morning and I’m awake and reading the “7 Little Known Dangers of Sleep Deprivation.” It was one of the stories on MSN.com, so I clicked through. Sure, I could be reading about a 132-pound toddler, reviewing the many (and mind numbing) celebrity splits and hookups in the month of March, or finding out the “5 Things You Didn’t Know About Natalie” (Portman, in case you didn’t know), but the sleep deprivation piece seemed more appropriate.
See? I can’t be that sleep deprived. I still know what’s appropriate.
“It’s one shot of Bailey’s in your breakfast coffee, Tug, not two!” she hissed, plucking the bottle from his filthy paws.
Yeah, I’m up and hanging with the hound. Oh dear. You think maybe there are eight little known dangers of sleep deprivation?
In any case, the article says that:
The 7th little known danger of sleep deprivation is the impact it has on memory and concentration. And maybe it does. I can’t remember.
The 6th little known danger is mental problems. Now that’s bullshit. I’ve had those since the days when I slept through the night like a normal person.
The 5th little known danger is weight gain. Of course it is. I’m awake because I’m sick with worry. Let’s punish me with some extra pounds. Please.
The 4th little known danger is impaired decision making skills. Hmm. I wrote this piece. And posted it. They may have a point.
The 3rd and 2nd little known dangers are increased risk of work and auto accidents. Nope. Not me. Whether I get three hours of sleep or eight, you can count on me to topple off my heels and take out the client I’m escorting to the conference room, or misjudge the distance between the Durango and a dumpster. (I’ll leave the specifics of both those particularly mortifying moments of my life to your imagination. You’re welcome.)
As for the #1 little known danger of sleep deprivation? Well this is a kick in the ass. It’s illness. Colds, flu, even cancer.
I can’t sleep because I can’t stop thinking about my husband who has cancer and this increases the possibility of my getting it, too?
They’re wrong, you know.
The real #1 little known danger of sleep deprivation is my discovering who developed this damn list.