I’m a terrible blogger. I haven’t been out to my website in so long, I had to look up my login information. It’s not that I don’t want to post, it’s just that life’s been crazy busy the last few months. We’ve moved off the farm, an activity I knew would make me feel guilty and renew my grief, and it did. Moving is never a pleasant experience, and our move was particularly painful. Leaving the farm I’ve had so many mixed emotions about, the place where we spread Stu’s ashes, and the home where he died too young and in such pain just thinking about it hits me square in the stomach and I can barely breathe, brought my depression and panic attacks back full bore.

It was very tough and yet, and you can imagine how this added to my guilt, very exciting.

A month ago my younger son and I moved into my fiance’s home. On his vineyard. And just a stone’s throw away from his winery. It’s beautiful here. Lush. Bursting with life (we’re surrounded by 26 acres of chardonnay vines and lots of bunnies). And busy. On the weekends, the winery is packed. I haven’t seen this many people since we left New Jersey!

In two and a half weeks I’m getting married. A year ago I found this great guy in the street. Quite literally. He’s handsome, smart, successful, generous, and funny. He makes me laugh, and I make him laugh, and everything in my life is better because he’s in it. God gave me this brand new beginning, and I am thankful and plan to enjoy every single second of it.

Who knows, maybe I’ll even post more. 🙂