Ridgefield, NJ — “If I’d known it was this easy to make a porno,” said 45-year-old Sandy Ellis of Ridgefield, “I’d have done it years ago. Sure beats the shit out of working!”
Ellis, a magazine editor with no prior acting experience inadvertently launched her new career when she entered her husband’s office while he was on a conference call.
“I had no idea he was in a meeting!” Ellis said, giggling at her own good fortune. “He wasn’t talking or anything!”
Oh, but he was indeed conversing with coworkers when Ellis, unable to contain herself at the sight of her husband professionally attired from the waist up but wearing sexy ripped shorts “with a sliver of cute tooshie showing,” walked in, flashed him her boobs, and pulled her shirt down over his head.
It was only when she heard him mumble into her breasts, “The camera’s on,” did she realize she had an audience.
Not one to be fazed, Ellis freed her husband’s head and flashed the camera a second time.
“I’ve never seen anything like it,” said John Barker, senior partner at Brookes & Hodges Attorneys at Law and Ellis’s husband’s boss. “She’s a natural!”
“Best meeting I’ve ever attended,” said Charles Hodges, the firm’s chief cheese. “Pre-pandemic, post-pandemic, I’ve never been to anything more productive! One minute we were all bitching about the Byers case and the next, boobs! I’m fast-tracking that young man as soon as somebody tells me his name!”
The meeting concluded with a standing ovation for Ellis’s breasts and her husband’s promotion to senior partner.
“They’re a great team,” Hodges gushed. “Byers’ ass may be going to the big house, but we’re backing those boobies like nobody’s business!”
At press time, Ellis’s video was soaring toward the fifty million view mark, and she was fielding offers from several well-known celebrities including Ryan Reynolds.
“He wants my boobs in a Mint Mobile commercial!” cried Ellis, applying lotion to her renowned rack. “I don’t know if they’ll get a speaking part but they so better get a SAG card.”
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Local Woman Inadvertently Makes a Porno and Catches Ryan Reynolds’ Eye first appeared on Susan’s Funny Stuff. Check out Susan’s Funny Stuff and my work on Medium for more humor, rants, and satire. And if you’d like even more humor, check out my fish out of water tales of life on a farm!
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