I know things are finally getting back to semi normal when it involves my mouth. Not because I’ve been too direct, but because I’m headed directly to the dentist.
I’m off today to have two molars extracted. We’ve been together at least 50 years and now they’ve gotta go; there’s no bone left for them to attach to. Ah joy. I’ve asked if I can bring them home to put beneath my pillow for the Tooth Fairy to find and while the dentist said, “Uh, I guess so,” Robert’s reply was, “They’ll be there a long time, babe.”
After my two sick, sad molars depart my mouth, I have to wait eight weeks before having a sinus lift. Want to have fun and scare yourself silly? Google that! I’ve already requested complete unconsciousness, (a medically induced coma wouldn’t be going too far), for that little procedure. And then, three to five months after the “lift” when the bone has grown back and I’m 100% recovered from the trauma, I’ll be getting an implant.
Now look at this with me. First, I get a sinus lift. Where is the justice in that? Other women get facelifts, boob lifts, butt lifts. I get to have my sinuses shoved back up into my sinus cavity, the results of which no one will ever see or compliment me on. There’ll be no, “Susan, that sinus lift made you look ten years younger!” And then the implant. Other women get breast implants. I get a tooth. Ever see a tooth strutting the beach in a bikini? My point exactly.
Two extractions, a sinus lift and an implant, all for the bargain basement price of $6,130.
But wait, there’s more.
After the implant I’ll need a crown. Of course, I will. I’m a princess. My lovely new crown could cost another $3,000. That’s ten grand on my mouth. And it’s not to wire it shut.