This is what happens when the puppy you got when you should’ve gotten a lobotomy is addicted to your sweet, sick husband.
Thanks to the miracle of the modern pain patch and a five milligram Oxycodone kicker, your husband is so soundly asleep he has no idea his favorite Golden Retriever, who just happens to be splattered in cow manure, has snuggled in next to him. You’d think the smell would wake him up. Or the fact that the dog’s also a smidge soggy. But no. The man’s out cold. (And if he has noticed, somewhere deep in his subconscious, he probably thinks it’s a really ripe, post workout me. Marvelous.)
I’d like to say that this wouldn’t be so bad if the damn hound wasn’t on my side of the bed, that I could deal with it if he were laying on my husband’s side, or frankly, on my husband. But I can’t.
I have rules about who and what I’ll share my bed with. My kids. A good book. My iPod. The phone. And of course, Rip Van Winkle here. Notice though that I didn’t include the dog.
And the dog knows it.
That’s why he’s not in this picture. He heard me coming, thought “Shit! It’s the one with the yellow head!” and took off running.
Only then did my husband wake up.
“What’s with the camera?” he asked.
“I was trying to catch Tug in the act,” I replied, pointing to the filthy spot where the dog had been laying.
Eyes closed, he flings his arm out and pats his hand around, blindly, on the bed. “Tug’s not here.”
“He was. Look at the dirt.”
He groans, lifts himself up on one elbow and looks, then looks at me and rolls his eyes. “That could’ve been from the kids,” he says, flopping down onto his nice, clean pillow. “Really Susan, you have to stop blaming stuff on Tug.”
You think it’s too late for me to get that lobotomy?
My husband’s 8 month old, 65#, Treeing Walker Coonhound sleeps on my new chair in the family room — because my husband is too big of a softy to put her in her crate before he goes to bed. Yesterday, I stumbled out of bed and found that she had pulled all of the stuffing out of one the pillows. Saturday, she ate a giant hole in the cushion that you sit on. That dog is driving me crazy.
I love the way you can take a simple situation, good or bad, and turn it into something funny. You have a wonderful sense of humor and I guess that’s what gets you through the tough things in your life.
Your hubby has been in my prayers ever since Wendy told me about his cancer. Prayers do work.
Keep up with your writing.
Susan – You are so amazing, talented and motivated. Keep finding humor in all the things that drive us crazy. It helps us laugh at our own lives!! I miss you and think of you and your family often!
Hey Susan, you crack me up!! I LOVE to read your stories, you make me smile and lol. Love you girlfriend, give your handsome hubby and gorgeous boys a kiss from all of us. Can’t wait till MB, love you!