When Things Don’t Work Out

Photo by Nathan Dumlao

So, you land your dream job and not a week into it you make some unsettling discoveries. Your boss is a micromanager. Your boss is at his or her desk 24/7 and expects you to do the same. You try for a while, but it’s not working out. Finally, you leave, maybe for another job, maybe to take time to regroup. When this happens, we need to ask ourselves, what did I miss? During the interview process or when I met the team, what did I miss? Sometimes there are things we didn’t notice or chose to ignore. But sometimes we didn’t miss anything. It just didn’t work out. And that’s because this isn’t Hollywood. It’s real life. For more, join me here.

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Trust your gut

We know the truth by the way it feels.

Trust your gut is one of those expressions it took me a long time to embrace. Why? Because I have a great gut and lots of times it tells me things I don’t want to hear. A few years ago, though after another of those life-defining moments, I made a deal with myself: from then on, I’d listen to my gut. And you know what happened? Today my gut is so good, I could lend it to people. Seriously. Going on a first date? Take my gut with you. Job interview? Take my gut, please. The more we trust our gut – our intuition – the stronger it gets. For more, join me here.

You Can’t Pour From An Empty Vessel

We all need time to refuel and recharge.

You can’t pour from an empty vessel. In good times and especially during tough times, we need to take time to refuel. Read a book. Take a walk. Call a friend and, if you need to, ask that friend for help. Ask that friend to come sit with a sick child or spouse so you can take a nap or get a haircut, go to the grocery store or take a drive. We all need time to recharge. And recharging bolsters our resilience. For more, join me here.

Brene Brown is so right. Vulnerability is the key to moving forward.

My tribe. I’d be lost without these women.

Brene Brown, the international best-selling author, TED Talk queen, and shame researcher, is spot on when it comes to vulnerability. But before I go into that, let’s all take a moment to react to the word “vulnerability.” Join me, will you?

Eeeeek! Being vulnerable? So not doing that! Put myself out there? I’d rather put pins in my eyes! Open myself up to judgement, share my “stuff”? Oh no. Not happening. I shall keep my shit to myself, thank you very much!

I’m right, right? That’s where we go when we hear the word vulnerability. I recall watching Brene Brown’s TED Talk on the topic with my hands over my eyes, peeking through my fingers. That’s how freaked out I was. But I watched, and watched again. And here’s the bottom line about being vulnerable: it is the key to moving forward to joy, to true happiness.

But first, the hard part. We have to dig deep, listen to what our body is telling us, and look for the clues to why we feel a certain way or are suffering inertia in some aspect of our life. Scary stuff, I know. I’m a master at putting my head in the sand. But ignoring whatever is stopping you from moving forward in your life doesn’t make “it” go away. It makes it worse.

So first, you dig deep. Don’t set up camp down there or anything, just look and acknowledge and accept.  Have tissues, because the final part of that sentence is “and cry.” Then muster up all your courage, hit the store for more tissues and several bottles of wine, and share your discoveries with the person or people you trust most in the world, and only those people.  At first your tribe, aka the people you trust most in the world, could be a little surprised, maybe scared. (Eek! She’s being vulnerable! Quick, where are those pins for my eyes???) But because they’re your tribe, that stuff passes in an instant, and then there’s nothing but listening, support, and love, and being absolutely blown away by your courage.

Any time we have the courage to pull the monster out from under the bed, hold that sucker up to the light and see it for what it really is, we begin to heal, get stronger, put that beast in perspective, free ourselves from its grip, and move forward.

And when we have the courage to do that in the company of those we love and trust? We give the gift of courage to them, too.

Nice right? It ain’t easy, but nothing really worth doing ever is.

Susan

For more thoughts on this and other topics, please join me on YouTube for Flaws Are The New Black, and on Instagram